


Eyes Left

by authoresswithoutwords



Series: Left [9]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Reconciliation, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authoresswithoutwords/pseuds/authoresswithoutwords
Summary: Severus Snape comes to terms with the fact that Harry is not only James Potter's son.//This story can be understood without having read The Left Words.//
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Severus Snape, Harry Potter & Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Series: Left [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658788
Comments: 12
Kudos: 319





	Eyes Left

**Author's Note:**

> So, I figure I should add a little summary of the events important to understanding this story for readers who haven't read The Left Words (are there any?):
> 
> Basically, one of the two soulmates will have a soul mark on the left wrist showing what one of them will first say to the other. They will then have to show it to their soulmate in order to prove that they are soulmates and to activate the soul bond. If one soulmate were to die without the bond having been activated, the words become grey and another soulmark shows up on the other wrist on both the "old" and the "new" soulmate.
> 
> Severus and Lily are soulmates with Severus being too shy to show Lily the words. Thus, their soul bond is not activated. They have their argument in which Severus calls Lily "mudblood" and they never talk again. She goes on to marry James, have Harry and die in Voldemort's attack while he ends up canonically guilt-ridden and hateful. Severus' new soulmate ends up being Draco.
> 
> In The Left Words, Harry ends up in Slytherin, much to the ire of basically everyone, and is bullied for years.
> 
> The "Dream Mirror" is the Mirror of Erised.
> 
> I think that's all you need to know to understand this story. If not, don't be shy to ask, and enjoy!

He hates the boy.

He absolutely detests him.

He loathes him more than anything else.

It’s that easy.

When he looks at him with those eyes, _her_ eyes, out of that face, _that bastard’s_ face, his heart pumps contempt instead of blood through his body, his lungs breathe in regret instead of air, and he swallows bitter self-hatred instead of saliva.

Throughout it all, he still can’t stop himself from feeling just a kernel of love for this… this creature, because what is he if not an old contradictory bastard?

He doesn’t want that; he rejects that; he ignores that. How could he ever even consider not abhorring something that has to do with _Potter_ , bully and soulmate-thief?

And so he doesn’t look.

As long as he doesn’t look into those eyes, he can hate the boy all he wants.

He notices him – of course he does, who is he kidding? Everything related to Potter makes him keep a wary eye on it, whether that be the dog of an idiot or the beast of a harmless man, or _that_ face. If anything, _that_ face makes him twice as twitchy as anything else.

It’s the same face that sneered at him, that shouted insults at him, that sometimes made him wish for death, that _stole his soulmate_ from him.

He cannot ignore it.

It’s ingrained in every fibre of his body that he has to pay attention to it, observe it and react to the slightest change to its expression.

A grin means a demeaning prank. A laugh leads to a barrage of spells. A scoff indicates he better run, run, run.

_This_ face, no matter how similar it is to _that_ , never laughs. It doesn’t smile, it doesn’t grin, it doesn’t grimace. The most it does is show an expression so insecure, so longing, so helpless and hopeless that it turns his entire world upside down.

_That_ face never would be able to depict such emotions, they are far, far away from all that he has ever experienced, they are not etched into his very being the way they are carved into him himself, saturated through and through, mixed inseparably with all that he amounts to and ever will be and never even dares to hope for.

And so, _this_ face can’t show them either. If _that_ face couldn’t and _this_ face is identical, then _this_ face can’t possibly do it, either, then he was mistaken and looked wrong and jumped to false conclusions and didn’t even see it, it was just his imagination playing tricks.

_That_ face can’t feasibly be so human.

Over time, _this_ face changes. It doesn’t in the same way that _that_ face did; it doesn’t become so open, so expressive, so hateful. If anything, the opposite happens: The discomfort and unease are absorbed into an expression that wouldn’t look wrong on a dead body.

Maybe the eyes would tell a different story, would tell him of defiance and triumph, would tell him of heartbreak and despair, but he doesn’t look at them.

He gets into trouble a lot, that boy. Not unexpected, giving that _that bastard_ is his father, but unwelcome still.

No matter what happens, for some reason, he is right in the middle of it.

Dragon escapes? It tries to run him over.

Convict flees? They are found alongside each other and a hundred Dementors.

Cat petrified? He is the number one suspect.

Magic out of control? He is the one to harm and come to harm.

Just like _that bastard_ , he thinks, and ignores the implications and doesn’t ask questions.

He doesn’t need to. He’s just like _that bastard_ ; therefore, he already knows all the answers.

He gets himself into trouble. There is rarely a day where he doesn’t lose some House points because of his big mouth that he only ever opens wide enough to put his foot in. His potions are terrible most of the time, a waste of perfectly fine resources. His essays are… well, they improved over time, from cramped and barely readable to too little and too big to perfectly spaced and coherent.

If he didn’t know better, didn’t know about his sheltered life with the best tutors available, he’d think he’s never before written an essay like so many of the Muggleborn children.

But he does know better. It’s probably just another way to screw with him. Is it amusing, to make fun of a teacher? He wouldn’t know, but _that bastard_ routinely made a sport out of it. Not only that, but Dumbledore praised him for his ingenuity and his classmates loved him.

That might be different now, no laughter, no cheers, no dreamy whispers, but that’s only because his Slytherins are smarter than the idiots _that bastard_ liked to surround himself with.

It all comes to a head in his fifth year.

Occlumency lessons.

As if he didn’t have enough to do already, being the potions master for four Houses or twelve classes of twenty students a week with more essays than a sane man knows what to do with, and Head of House Slytherin, bombarded with all the problems and worries homesick eleven-year-olds and lovesick fifteen-year-olds can dream up.

Then, there is also Draco who, no matter how much he loves him, is such a damn child sometimes, so very much unlike _her_.

So, on top of all of that, Occlumency lessons. For the son of _that bastard_.

And the cherry on top?

The boy is a hopeless case.

One would think that a summer of in-depth study and tutor-aided experimentations had a greater impact than the absolute _nothing_ they actually had.

But then, he probably was too busy frolicking and taking shopping trips and playing around to sit down and study this skill that is so crucial to his continued survival.

Typical.

Only when he goes looking deeper, hoping to motivate the stupid boy by bringing up a good memory for once, something from his childhood, does he notice that he could have been wrong.

An adult man looming over him, pain, terror, resignation.

Those feelings strike way too close for him to be even remotely comfortable with the memory.

He throws the boy out to try to reconcile… _that_ and what he knows about him.

Could it be… that he was wrong?

No. Impossible.

When he tries to test the boy’s Occlumency barriers, now that they’ve started from where his knowledge ends, he is in for a surprise.

He knew the principle behind the boy’s defence, but seeing it in action is another thing.

Fake memories, layered traps, the looming sense of danger.

It’s not perfect, this barrier, even he can see that, and he’s not half as good a Legilimens as he is an Occlumens, but it’s impressive for the little amount of time he’s had to build it up.

Then, the end.

A mirror with the engraving “Dream Mirror”.

He walks around it, examines the walls, floor and ceiling, but not finding neither a clue nor a way to move on. This really is the end, then, a last puzzle before the memories are revealed.

Not wanting to wait any longer, he looks into the mirror. Instead of his reflection, another face, just as familiar as his own, but so much more beautiful and perfect greets him.

Lily smiles at him, her green eyes sparkling in delight upon seeing him, the way she used to do, the way she didn’t do anymore after he called her mudblood, the way she can’t anymore because she’s dead, lifeless, _gone_.

Suddenly, his line of sight is cut off.

He’s still looking into the same green eyes, but they look at him with nervousness.

“How was it?” Harry asks anxiously.

And Severus sees and can’t unsee:

This is her son.

This is the boy he swore to protect.

This is the boy whose protection he will take seriously now.

After all, he is the last thing that is left of her.

All that is left of her are those eyes, and he never again wants to see them look upon him with heartbreak and disgust.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading, and doubly so if you leave a comment or a kudo!
> 
> How did you like this insight into Snape's mindset?


End file.
